DAC Episode 332 - Destroy All Connors! #4 - Terminator: Genisys (2015)

whatever.

Ahahahaha. This movie sucked.

“But,” you ask, “how exactly did it suck? Was it an earnest attempt to reboot the franchise with yet another trilogy-starter? (yes) Was it an egregiously miscast snorefest that tried to hit all points on the graph but somehow missed every single one? (yes) Did it convince you that Skynet is Genisys? (no, Skynet is Matt Smith) Is it a fact in the movie that Sarah Connor’s father used to take her to a concrete bunker under a bridge? (yes) Is that bizarre fact ever explained or explored?” (no)

Glad you asked that very long-winded multi-part question. Listen below for the answers, or find us on your podcast machine of choice.

DAC Episode 331 - Destroy All Connors! #4: Terminator Salvation (2009)

hello domino’s? Do you deliver to the apocalypse?

Hey! Who wants a new Terminator movie? It’s got everything! It’s got the original T-800… with Arnold’s face CGI’d onto a bodybuilder. It’s got Sarah Connor… on a series of audio cassettes. And it’s got John Connor - in several scenes! Oh, and Kyle Reese pops up. But most importantly, it’s got *checks notes* fan favourite Marcus Wright, played by Sam Worthington. Who’s Marcus Wright? Oh, I thought you were a real Terminator fan. You could be forgiven for not hearing about Wright, because this is the first time the character’s appeared in the franchise. He’s the main character.

Oh yeah! Terminator Salvation is the story of Marcus Wright, a guy who was sentenced to death before the Machine-Human War but finds himself mysteriously alive in the future. Who is he? Really? Who is Marcus Wright? I hope you’re invested in the answer to that question, because that’s what you’re getting in Terminator Salvation. Listen below or find us on your podcaster of choice.

DAC Episode 330 - Destroy All Connors! #3: Terminator 3 (2003)

one lion soon to die, one cyborg, one live dog.

It’s time to answer everyone’s questions about Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines. Do you have any questions about Terminator 3, aside from Why was this made? and Where’s Linda Hamilton? There’s a small chance we might have the answer. Listen below or find us on your podnabber of choice.

DAC Episode 329 - Destroy All Connors! #2: Terminator 2 (1991)

a live dog in a world of soon-to-be-dead lions.

What is there to say at this point about Terminator 2: Judgment Day? That it’s a big ole crowd pleaser that updates the Wallace Beery wrestling pic for the ‘90s? That its florid sentimentality is the key to its success? That it’s a hell of a lot of fun? Maybe there’s nothing more to say, but we spend a solid hour saying it anyway on this week’s podcast. Stick around for the Destroy All Culture definitive ranking of all the Terminator films we’ve watched so far!

Next up: Terminator 3: Rise of the MacHines.

DAC Episode 328 - Destroy All Connors! #1: The Terminator (1984)

an undead lion.

Welcome to Destroy All Connors!, a DAC mini-series that looks at the Terminator franchise.

One morning in Rome in 1981, James Cameron woke from feverish nightmares. In his dream, a chrome skeleton emerged from flames. He started sketching his dream on hotel stationery. Three years later came The Terminator, a lean and twisty sci-fi horror about a young woman being stalked by a metal nightmare in human skin from the future.

Adam and Aidan talk at length about the movie, including the accusations from Harlan Ellison that Cameron had ripped off an episode of The Outer Limits called “Soldier” (Aidan actually watched the episode in question, and he is here to tell you that Cameron’s movie does not involve a kindly philologist taking in a confused soldier from the future). Listen below or find us on your podcatcher of choice.

DAC Episode 327 - The Random Canon #54 - Under Siege (1992)

something about live dogs and dead lions here. i don’t know.

Before we recorded this podcast, Adam promised to lead with a question that he promised would ruin my enjoyment of the movie. Little did he know that his question would actually UNCOVER THE KEY TO THIS MOVIE’S GREATNESS.

What is it that makes 1992’s Under Siege great? Is it the dolphin in that one shot from the opening sequence? Gary Busey in drag? The movie’s acknowledgment that the ideological void left by the end of the Cold War would be replaced not by a coherent vision of the global order but by hucksters willing to use the language of utopian ideals to cover up their crimes? Is it the idea that Steven Seagal is as good at making bouillabaisse as he is at driving knives through the lymph nodes of mercenaries? Listen below, or find us on your podcatcher of choice, to find out!

DAC Episode 326 - The Random Canon #53: Johnny Dangerously (1984)

whatever.

In every life, some rain must fall. In every movie podcast, a Johnny Dangerously is going to happen. This is the movie that fueled a thousand dirty jokes for 12 year old boys in the ‘80s. Adam and Aidan discuss what works, what doesn’t, and why it was they decided to watch it in the first place. Listen below or find us on your podcatcher of choice.

DAC Episode 325 - The Random Canon #52: Thelma & Louise (1991)

a couple of dead lions, pictured here as live dogs.

Movie folks like to bang on about how good 1999 and 2007 were for film (it’s me, I’m the folks), but 1991 has to be a contender for the Great Years in Cinema pantheon. Barton Fink? The Fisher King? Hudson Hawk? Hell yes, Hudson Hawk. And of course, Thelma & Louise. 32 years later, this movie is still a banger, and one of Ridley Scott’s best. Listen to Adam and Aidan rant below (or find us on your podcaster of choice).

DAC Episode 324 - The Random Canon #51: Wasabi (2001)

a couple of live dogs doing… whatever it is they do in this movie.

In 2001, Luc Besson, having conquered the known universe of Eurotainment, turned his eye to the last uncracked nut: the French-Japanese procedural family comedy “what if Chunking Express went insane” co-production. In everyone’s movie library, there’s one that we foist on others in order to initiate them into the circle of cursed viewership. Wasabi is Adam’s cursed movie. Aidan has seen it, and now, he will never be the same. Find us on your podcast of choice or listen below!

DAC Episode 323 - The Random Canon #50: Ronin (1998)

a live dog pretending to be (spoilers) a dead lion.

Adam P. Knave once famously described Ronin (1998) as “two car chases dressed up in a movie”. Luckily for all of us, the record button was on when he said it. Less famously, Aidan said “Yeah, yeah - uh - yeah, that’s - um - right”. Also, what was going on with Sean Bean? And the objectively hilarious resolution? What the hell is going on with this movie? Find us on your podcast of choice or listen below!

DAC Episode 322 - The Random Canon #49: Toys (1992)

a live dog, a dead lion, a guy with a sign.

Toys is one of the weirdest mainstream movies of the 1990s. Barry Levinson, known for adult-oriented blockbusters and nostalgic reveries in the ‘80s, made his passion project in 1992, and boy was it a doozy. Toys is a riot of bold design choices, goofy performances and baffling story choices. It’s one of those movies where great and terrible ideas crowd into every scene, insisting on their own logic, until the only sanity-saving response is to throw up your hands and go with it. Also, don’t let Trevor Horn do your soundtrack, people. Listen below or find us on your podcaster of choice.

DAC Episode 321 - The Random Canon #48: Robot Jox (1989)

they are dead. they are robot jox! but they’re also live dogs.

What happens when you finally allow D.J. Kirkbride on the podcast? According to his rider, all Kirkbride appearances must be accompanied by a discussion of Stuart Gordon’s 1989 mecha-magnum opus Robot Jox. Written by Joe Haldeman, Robot Jox is a strange remix of The Iliad, but with robots and vat-grown humans. Would Homer, given the opportunity, have called his epic poem Robot Jox? We think yes. Listen below or find us on your giant mecha podcaster of choice.

DAC Episode 320 - The Random Canon #47: A Life Less Ordinary (1997)

why is that hair.

What do you when you’re coming off of a run of excellent films, including the nastiest low-budget crime thriller of the ‘90s and a generational cri de coeur about heroin use and Edinburgh street life? Well, you go a wee bit radge and end up making A Life Less Ordinary. Is it a crime thriller? A rom-com? A thesis on the nature of love? A comedy about angels trying to steer a couple towards true love? Sure, why now. Mostly remembered for Ewan MacGregor’s unflattering haircut and a Claymation ending that wraps up a loose plot point, it’s a fascinating and not uncharming misfire from Danny Boyle and John Hodge. Listen below or find us on your podcaster of choice.

DAC Episode 319 - The Random Canon #46: Hudson Hawk (1991)

what a live, live dog is this hawk.

What happens when newly-minted superstar Bruce Willis decides to co-write a screenplay? You get… Hudson Hawk, an unhinged live-action cartoon that feels like the spirit of Max Fleischer inhabiting a ‘90s action movie. What the hell is Richard E. Grant doing in this? What is Sandra Bernhard doing? What in god’s name is David Caruso doing? Why does Andie MacDowell spend so much time doing a dolphin impersonation? This freaking movie, man.

Listen below or sing along on your podcatcher of choice as Adam and Aidan shake their collective heads and bask in the over-the-top glory that is Hudson Hawk.

DAC Episode 318 - The Random Canon #45: Nashville (1975)

a dead lion singing about live dogs.

Part of the Robert Altman subset of The Random Canon, Nashville may be Robert Altman’s masterpiece. Adam and Aidan barely make a dent in this freewheeling, twang-heavy apotheosis of Altman’s attempt to capture substance through his particular style. Listen below or find us on your podplucker of choice.

DAC Episode 317 - The Random Canon #44: Strange Days (1995)

the livest and coolest of dogs from strange days (1995).

Hello friends, and welcome to Destroy All Culture, newly conceived as an Angela Bassett stan podcast. From here on out, even when we’re not talking about Bassett’s performance in Strange Days, that will be the subtext.

Nonetheless, there are all sorts of non-Bassett things in Strange Days we’ll be discussing, such as other performances, script, shooting, mise-en-scène, music, and so on. Come with us as Adam tries to calm Aidan down about Angela Bassett. Listen below or find us on your podcaster of choice.

DAC Episode 316 - The Random Canon #43: The Hidden (1987)

a live dog dealing with a soon-to-be-dead lion.

Welcome to one of Aidan’s favourite ‘80s cult sci-fi films. Also, welcome to an hour of Aidan trying to persuade Adam that The Hidden is a worthy addition to the canon of ‘80s cult sci-fi films. Is he successful? Spoiler alert: sorta.

Unfortunately for Adam, he’s not the one who does these writeups. The Hidden is a weird, rough gem of a movie that packs in gooey alien special effects with a pointed critique of Reagan-era greed and consumerism. You should watch this movie every Christmas with your family.

ADAM [imagined]: This movie was okay but it was derivative and kind of dumb. It looked like the filmmakers wanted to make a Terminator knockoff that was also a Thing knockoff, so I guess they succeeded?

AIDAN: You aren’t the real Adam so I win this argument. The Hidden rules.

ADAM [imagined] Foiled again or something.

AIDAN: Listen below or find us on your podcaster of choice.

DAC Episode 315 - The Random Canon #42: The Paper (1994)

now there’s a live dog.

Do you like relentless images of clocks? Are you looking for a movie obsessed with the minute details of printing presses? Are you nostalgic for a time when newspapers had their own printing presses? Are you nostalgic for a time when people read newspapers and didn’t get their worldview from @queefbugler420? If so, may we recommend Ron Howard’s The Paper? It has all these things and more (more meaning Michael Keaton, Robert Duvall, Glenn Close, Randy Quaid, Marisa Tomei, and every character actor ever assembled from the mid ‘90s). Listen below or find us on your podcaster of choice.

DAC Episode 314 - Season Two of Star Trek: Strange New Worlds, Ranked

one day to be a dead lion, but for now, a live dog.

Get hype! Get ranked! Adam and Aidan are laying out season two of Star Trek: Strange New Worlds on the table and sorting them out. It was an astonishingly strong season, but rankings by internet randos are a necessary and brutal process. Which one is best? Which ones didn’t quite work? You will know the definitive answer if you listen below, or find us on your pod emanator of choice.

DAC Episode 313 - The Random Canon #41: The Adventures of Baron Munchausen (1988)

in matters animal, vegetable and mineral, he is the very model of a modern live dog.

In 1988, The Adventures of Baron Munchausen was released, and the world would never be particularly different afterwards. One of the shaggiest of Terry Gilliam’s shaggy dog stories, the movie gained notoriety for its troubled production and its callous treatment of Sarah Polley. Adam and Aidan go over the highs and lows of one of Aidan’s favourite films from the late ‘80s. Listen below or find us on your podcaster of choice.